Commas, you’re doing it wrong

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If the title of this post looks all right to you, you fail primary school grammar. However, it’s my (slightly hopeful) belief that, although you did not blanch when you read it, you did feel a slight twinge of unease—followed, perhaps, by a tiny thrill of delight at the irony. (A very tiny thrill, one hopes.)

The unease you felt is due to the fact that the function of a comma is such that, in the headline above, it implies that I’m addressing someone. Like, “Bill, you’re doing it wrong.” Or, “Gentlemen, you’re using that punctuation mark incorrectly.” Only, in this case, “Commas”. Which is weird. Hence the twinge of unease. Because you know from your long exposure to the internet that “you’re doing it wrong” is kind of a meme, and is a phrase always preceded by the thing being done wrong. It’s not an address at all. Rather, it’s like an introduction.

The punctuation mark used for an introduction is not a comma. It’s a colon: like this. You could also use an em-dash—as so. Or a semicolon if you’re feeling adventurous; though don’t mention it to Naomi Dunford. Just not a comma. Never a comma.

So what? It’s just a comma!

Why do I even bring this up? No one likes a Grammar Nazi. No one likes any kind of Nazi really.

I bring it up because I want to draw your attention to a general principle which it aptly demonstrates. I’m somewhat painfully aware that the misuse of the comma—its use, that is, in place of correct punctuation in many instances—is a wide-spread and very common issue in copy on the web. It’s ubiquitous in blog posts, articles…and yes, on landing pages. Chances are that if you have a website, you’ve abused a comma at least once. The same can be said of apostrophes (particularly in the distinction between “it’s” and “its”).

The principle is that a lot of people, having attended school for more than four years, have a sufficient grasp of English grammar to recognize (if not consciously note) little mistakes like this. Remember the internal hiccup you felt when you read the title of this article. When people see things that they know aren’t quite right—even when those things are widespread and commonly accepted—they get an uneasy feeling. It’s the same feeling you get when something you want to buy has its packaging opened. It’s not really important, right…but it makes you pause. It’s the same feeling you get when there’s a water stain on your knife at a restaurant. It doesn’t mean anything, really; but it subconsciously tarnishes your perception of the place and makes you question its cleanliness and quality. The unintentional introduction of imperfection, even if it isn’t consciously noticed by your audience, still evokes a negative emotional reaction. And then the emotional parts of their minds make the rational parts wonder: is this company or service or product as good as it claims?

The moral of the story is that I’m not teaching you grammar here. This isn’t a lesson on using commas. It’s a lesson in the importance of taking the time to ensure that small mistakes don’t negatively impact how people perceive you. If quality is part of what you compete on, you can’t afford that. It isn’t just copywriters with anal-compulsive nitpicking disorder who notice abused commas, and it isn’t just designers with sharp eyes who notice misplaced pixels. They’re the ones who can describe to you what is technically wrong. But just about anyone who’s paying attention can tell you they have a gut feeling that something ain’t quite right.

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